Friday, September 27, 2013

It’s your first year of marriage… So go ahead love, fight, and figure it out.

There is the stereotype that comes along with being either titled as a newlywed or when you hear that a couple are newlyweds. We automatically think; they must have sex all the time, never fight, and they don’t ever want to leave each others' side. People probably have the opinion that the couple is just getting comfortable around each other and they probably go to sleep and wake up at the exact moments every morning and night.

But see the thing is even if this is NOT the case - newlywed couples still publicly like to act like it is. Couples will go to great lengths to over dramatize their new sex life or the perfectness that comes with marriage.

When in reality things may look a bit different- sometimes the first year of marriage is a lot of fighting, a lot of figuring things out and getting used to the others persons good and bad habits. And the biggest of them all is you learn the most about yourself, how prideful you can be and how hard it is to give another person the upper hand on things in your life. It takes work and it takes this adjustment from; life that was all about you to life that is now about the both of you.

The stereotype can be scary and that’s possibly the reason people feel the need to hide behind facades. But there is definitely too much actual real life good in the first year of marriage to hide behind the pretend stuff...

So if there were to be a list of “it’s okay if…” and “that’s totally normal when…” and plenty of “hey, give yourself a break you are a newlywed...” here is a little sneak peak into what that would look like.
  • It is okay if... you don’t make plans or post pictures for EVERY month anniversary. It doesn’t show the world you really don’t like your husband/wife anymore…it just says you are normal and I mean in the grand scheme of your whole life it may just keep you sane if you stick to the 6 month anniversary and one year anniversary celebrations. Because hey- anniversary or not work, bills, and life goes on so it’s okay even if you didn’t remember.
  • That’s totally normal if… you want to scream at your other half every time they leave all their hair in the shower or leave the toilet seat up AGAIN. Who doesn’t have annoying habits? So remember how much you love them and breath and remind them for the 100th time that it grosses you out.
  • And hey give yourself a break, you are a newlywed… if the in laws and basically all the neighbors on your street won’t get off your back about kids…take your time, if people don’t get that it is probably just because they are jealous they didn’t do that.
This is obviously just a start to an enormously long list of things that every single newlywed feels and goes through. Married life is full of in laws, fights, burnt dinners and “knock the breath out of you” wake up calls. But once you start embracing it, and making a big deal out of the little victories like figuring out cleaning schedules and where you spend each holiday and being okay with the fact that as beautiful as the first year of marriage is-it’s also work. So you darn well better pat yourself on the back when you get over big issues and the small ones. Give anyone who makes you feel bad about not being perfect “the hand”, and keep doing what you do- because you are already way ahead of most of the population.

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